Chuck Norris jokes.

Thanks to Kate I have compiled a top twelve list of chuck Norris jokes.

12. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

11. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

9. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

6. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

4. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

2. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

1.Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.